It’s not an unconvinced feeling. Just a terrible reason to keep taking a detour in an uncertainty. There is no confession. To keep him from any separation. To keep him from ambiguity of his feeling. Maybe the best case is a friendship. To keep me from any hurting. And he will always besides me, being the collection of my story.
You told me to opened the door, but we don’t talk anymore.
You told me our pinky promise, but you don’t remember me anymore.
You told me to wait, but you don’t stay anymore.
I shouldn’t do what you told me to do…
I’ve been down. It was cold, and windy. The strange things that happened was the flying memories, tried to be a nuisance in my deep focus. The black memories I had, the beautiful regret, and the winter of people. It was colder and hurricane.What kind of the place I exist?
It’s called nothingness, you said. You expect to much on something that hasn’t begun, hasn’t started, and hasn’t available. You can’t afford something that not available yet. You can’t estimate the price nor the condition of that thing.
What I can expect from that, from nothingness, which is not making any effect to those around it. I ask while I sweep my drying tears, because it’s been a long time I wanna cry but cannot. You sigh. But keep trying to explain. You know all I need is an explanation not your madness. Madness didn’t solve any questions.
Maybe, and still maybe, but this kind of maybe I can give a warranty. All you need to do is stop thinking about the strange, about an expectation. You don’t need to expect something that didn’t happen yet. All you should do is a starter, to make nothingness becomes something you can expect. What you can expect from nothingness is its emptiness, so you can put any substance you wanted.
You’re right. Would you fill up a nothingness with me?
Stuck on the edge. Choosing between flunk or eaten by a barbie. Trapped between bridge, where I didn’t know the way back. Fallen from bright sky then everything get darker. But you know me, everything is black but my soul still burning. Flaming and the firefighter surrender. The buildings becomes scorches and the country collapsing.
Everything is black. But I will keep my promise. This is not a clandestine or swimming in the money-laundry. But all the same is the color. Without knowing the future and let the past be memories. Believing someday the sun will greeting then flower blooming.
All I just need is believing, right?
Rain-rain, could you understand?
You and the night, the two relation I envy the most.
You give human which is not giving you any, a very good sleep. Wake up tomorrow with broad smile. Thinking about last night beautiful dream.
The lullabies you composed together, where was the inspiration come from?I heard it every your presence but I didn’t get tired at all.
Rain-rain tell me your secret. You and the night, how was your first date?
I am the worst case of every you. I always come to be your guardian angel and then left when you love me enough. I admit, it’s a challenge to make you fall but I can’t be responsible. I always stop in the middle. No. I never lie about all my feelings back then when hanging out with you. but I never lie that I’m easily getting bored. The feeling decreasing rapidly. From one hundred to be a zero. Even the memories staying, let me find a new one. Let me…
and what I’m thinking now. the clock tickling. the television flaming. in my dream, i saw you in plane flying.
and what I’m thinking now. my brain is an empty space. my heart is a hollow area. in front of me, you saying goodbye.
maybe I’m just a trash can. after you left me, nothing that I can. even didn’t know what is me.
maybe I’m just a trash can. dirty but still keeping the garbage. don’t let them out. because outside will be harsh.
I’m just a trash can. all I do is playing but you do is learning.
And you are not aware. You still think they indeed the same.
“but they are not.” I said while looking at your angry blushing. And then I’m leaving.
“do they?” You askin hesitantly after seeing everyone gone. But you insist to stay. You hate all the differences and all the changes.
What are you fight for now? Because what still remain is just you and the burden of memories.
Every prayer she told her God, “Can You give me one more chance. My life is shattered.”
but the chance never comes.
She keeps trying. She ask her God, “Can I go back to the past. My present in danger and my future broken.”
then God make a coincidence,
and she meets with him, her past lover…
because the smiling memories never enough. and the five watt lamp can’t make me read a sky.
between the miracle and certainty never have a tie. a lot of what you want couldn’t be all yours.
the future is in the dark. the past is in the brown. you should living for present. because that’s a light blue.
people all be greedy. people all be sleepy. want somethin instant like an indomie. but didn’t wanna know the hardness to make the dough.
because the open door never be an opportunity. because the bird chirping cant’t make the world seems beauty.
and they will have a heavy regret… and the will… and you will… and I will…