When You Get Tired of Your Life

​Someday you feel tired of what happened in your life. You feel that you did your best but you are not. You did everything you could but you never get the outcomes as what you expected. You feel that every hardwork was just in vain. You feel that every person you loved is going to leave you. You feel that you’re in the bottom of your life. You’re in the edge of the corner and can’t going back.  You feel that you want to overcome it, but didn’t know what you should do. Sometimes   you feel that you didn’t deserve a life anymore. You feel that you wanna end your life. It’s okay. We’re human not a mechanical device. Sometimes we can drown in pain.

Accepting what you feel is the most important. Yes. You extremely having a desire to die. You feel like dying was the best solution. You’ll start to get to know yourself. You’ll learning about limitation. Even the machine has a limitation. About what was hurt you, what was torture you, irritating you until you make such a decision. You’ll learning about yourself. And once you get to know yourself, you’ll understand what is happening in you. You’ll accepting yourself.

Trying to find more reason to life, even if it’s a simple reason. Look at what you haven’t, just take a glimpse at what you had. Like you have not tasting the new coffee shop opened near your district. You haven’t reading so many books in your shelves, they queue up in there waiting for you to come in. You haven’t watch the new episodes of you favorite drama or the new released movies. You haven’t finishing your comic. You haven’t traveling around the world. Do it what you want to do while you still can. Do it one by one, until you forgot about your pain, until you find the hope you’ve been searching for.

You’re the world of other people even if you feel that you’re nothing. You are the world of your parents. You are the world of your siblings. You are the world of your boyfriend or girlfriend. You are the world of somebody silently in love with you. You may feel you’re nobody, but you’re their world. Imagine what will happen with them after you left. You may feel you lost your world, but you have them. They will always cherish on you, believe on you that you could handle it.

Don’t be afraid looking for a help. There is always people who excitedly want to hear your story, your burden. You’re not standing alone. Everyone is standing around you. All you need to do is just searching where is their place. You will found them in train, in the bus, in the plane, in the bookstore, coffee lounge, dating applications, everywhere. They gladly welcome your existence, share the pain together. Once you found them, you’ll found that every problem is created together with its solution.

You didn’t loose anything, you gaining a thing, an everything. That’s you.

Advertisements

Clarify

It’s not an unconvinced feeling. Just a terrible reason to keep taking a detour in an uncertainty. There is no confession. To keep him from any separation. To keep him from ambiguity of his feeling. Maybe the best case is a friendship. To keep me from any hurting. And he will always besides me, being the collection of my story.

What You Can Expect From Nothingness

I’ve been down. It was cold, and windy. The strange things that happened was the flying memories, tried to be a nuisance in my deep focus. The black memories I had, the beautiful regret, and the winter of people. It was colder and hurricane.What kind of the place I exist? 

It’s called nothingness, you said. You expect to much on something that hasn’t begun, hasn’t started, and hasn’t available. You can’t afford something that not available yet. You can’t estimate the price nor the condition of that thing.

What I can expect from that, from nothingness, which is not making any effect to those around it. I ask while I sweep my drying tears, because it’s been a long time I wanna cry but cannot. You sigh. But keep trying to explain. You know all I need is an explanation not your madness. Madness didn’t solve any questions.

Maybe, and still maybe, but this kind of maybe I can give a warranty. All you need to do is stop thinking about the strange, about an expectation. You don’t need to expect something that didn’t happen yet. All you should do is a starter, to make nothingness becomes something you can expect. What you can expect from nothingness is its emptiness, so you can put any substance you wanted.

You’re right. Would you fill up a nothingness with me?

Everything is Black

Stuck on the edge. Choosing between flunk or eaten by a barbie. Trapped between bridge, where I didn’t know the way back. Fallen from bright sky then everything get darker. But you know me, everything is black but my soul still burning. Flaming and the firefighter surrender. The buildings becomes scorches and the country collapsing.

Everything is black. But I will keep my promise. This is not a clandestine or swimming in the money-laundry. But all the same is the color. Without knowing the future and let the past be memories. Believing someday the sun will greeting then flower blooming.

All I just need is believing, right?

You and The Night

Rain-rain, could you understand?

You and the night, the two relation I envy the most.

You give human which is not giving you any, a very good sleep. Wake up tomorrow with broad smile. Thinking about last night beautiful dream.

The lullabies you composed together, where was the inspiration come from?I heard it every your presence but I didn’t get tired at all.

Rain-rain tell me your secret. You and the night, how was your first date?

I am and You are

I am the worst case of every you. I always come to be your guardian angel and then left when you love me enough. I admit, it’s a challenge to make you fall but I can’t be responsible. I always stop in the middle. No. I never lie about all my feelings back then when hanging out with you. but I never lie that I’m easily getting bored. The feeling decreasing rapidly. From one hundred to be a zero. Even the memories staying, let me find a new one. Let me…

Just A Trash Can

and what I’m thinking now. the clock tickling. the television flaming. in my dream, i saw you in plane flying.

and what I’m thinking now. my brain is an empty space. my heart is a hollow area. in front of me, you saying goodbye.

maybe I’m just a trash can. after you left me, nothing that I can. even didn’t know what is me.

maybe I’m just a trash can. dirty but still keeping the garbage. don’t let them out. because outside will be harsh.

I’m just a trash can. all I do is playing but you do is learning.

The Burden of Memories

People changes.

Moment passes.

Time leaves.

Place moves.

And you are not aware. You still think they indeed the same.

“but they are not.” I said while looking at your angry blushing. And then I’m leaving.

“do they?” You askin hesitantly after seeing everyone gone. But you insist to stay. You hate all the differences and all the changes.

What are you fight for now? Because what still remain is just you and the burden of memories.